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Spork War Part II

A blink into the future…

By Charles Childers

Part II.


A combined spoon and fork appears to have been invented by Samuel W. Francis and issued US Patent 147,119, in February 1874. George Laramy of New Hampshire patented a ‘table utensil’ in 1907 (see above), and probably the best example of the merger gone horribly wrong.

We were subjected to many different versions of the utensil over the next 50 years. Although these previous efforts laid the groundwork for the modern, day SPORK, they were still overlooking one small detail, and probably the reason for the SPORK’S unexplainable longevity — the term ‘SPORK’ itself.

To prevent the SPORK from being weaponized, strict limits as to its manufacture were established. The Committee on SPORKs in the US House of Representatives allowed only one company to make, sell, distribute, and repair the SPORK. Following successful use in prison food service a combination of plastic and nylon materials were allowed. Length, width, and weight were set to allow for civilian food consumption. Police and the military were authorized to carry and use a larger version of the SPORK for personal protection and law enforcement. The SPORK could not be used offensively. If a police officer or member of the military or any such constabulary was found to use or try to use the SPORK as an offensive tools or weapon he or she would be punished to fullest extent of the laws.

The unintended consequence of this bit of legislation produced a society with a police force unable to arrest, detain, or prosecute any criminal; a police force ineffective in maintaining law and order, a criminal population unfettered by societal norms and laws. In short, it created a society without law and order.

Criminals had access to firearms, and all other means of inflicting pain and suffering on an increasingly defenseless civilian population. “Increasingly defenseless” equates to an increasingly lawless society.

Citizens unable to be protected by their government resorted to private security forces, communities behind sturdy walls, electric fences, gates, moats, and watch towers. Absent weapons for self-defense, wealthy and proactive citizens designed living spaces for limiting access. Not everyone had such abilities and were forced to exist in cities and towns of an increasingly lawless society.

Unable to protect themselves or their businesses, shop keepers and business owners fled the cities. Tax revenues dropped. City, state, and federal agencies became concerned.

Put this into context. The one-party administration had effectively eliminated the US two-party system through election manipulation. Based on the administration’s control of the voting process, no other political party could elect officials. There was no effective political opposition. This administrations agenda had two other significant issues: elimination of systemic racism; and redistribution of wealth.

Racism was reduced (in their minds) by eliminating obstacles for non-whites to succeed. In this endeavor, the Administration took several well-meaning actions. First, they made all Federal Regulations which required certification or licensing eliminate preconditions for non-white applicants. In other words, there was no training, study, or testing required to get a Federal Certificate or License. That meant airline pilots, structural engineers, Board Certified Medical Doctors etc. had only to “apply for” to be granted the powers and privileges of those certificates etc. White applicants were still required to have the requisite education, training and testing for these. Second, Federally Regulated banks and Insurance Companies were required to provide interest free loans and no cost insurance for non-white businesses. Additionally, nonwhites were granted free advanced education at all colleges and universities. Private educational institutions were forced to comply by the threat of withholding all Federal funds, grants, and loans. Harvard University, and University of California Berkley campus embraced the idea and went above by refusing to admit any non-black applicant for a 10-year period. All faculty and employees who challenged or disagreed with these decisions were terminated. All other colleges and universities were quick to follow their example.

The additional unintended consequences of these actions sprouted a cottage industry of insurance fraud and banking defaults. In riot prone areas of inner cities non-white owned businesses would be looted and burned. Owners of these businesses would re-build after each riot, borrow from the banks for remodels and inventory and insure for 125% of the values. They would stock the renewed shelves with ghost products and flimsy displays which could be destroyed with ease by a cooperating mob. The mob would loot, burn, and destroy for a share of the non-white owner’s insurance money. The owner would default on the business loan and pocket funds not spent on the ghost inventory and fake furnishing of the rebuilt store or business. Very, successful non-white entrepreneurs would have their businesses looted regularly. Looters could not be prosecuted (if caught). Police were not effective in enforcement of the laws. As courts would not prosecute, police really had no incentive to get involved.

So, at the height of the SPORK WAR there was no law and order. People fleeing the cities sought refuge behind walls and self-protection strategies. Tax revenues began drying up.

The next strategy of the administration was to pay to non-whites and expressly blacks, reparations for slavery. Lacking funds to pay these reparations, a special “white privilege” tax was assessed to all “white” taxpayers. This special tax was 30% of the taxpayer’s net worth every year for 10 years.

The unintended consequences caused population flight out of the country. The associated brain drain from the US was a windfall gain for countries like Ireland and New Zealand. Within a few years these two tiny countries became economic dynamos.

Within five years, the US ceased to be a viable country. The government failed. The society deteriorated into mobs and rabble. The economy collapsed. The SPORK WAR ended not with celebratory parades and emotional reunions of soldiers and families. Rather it died with whimper of wind and rain erosion of a once powerful empire which imploded upon itself while trying to do the right things.


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